Living in the Magazine

We are currently selling our house. The method of sale is to invite total strangers to nose through our intimate living space. This is called a “showing”. The important thing about showings is that these strangers don’t want to see our house in the state we really live. We aren’t just selling a home, we’re selling a fantasy. We’re selling the subconscious idea that this house is not only their dream house, but also their dream life. And truthfully, we don’t want anyone to see how we really live either, given that our house is always messy, and that at any given moment at least one of our three toilets will likely have an unflushed turd on display from one of the kids.

So we have removed all supercilious furniture and belongings and arranged the remaining selections to resemble a magazine. This is called “staging”. We have packed away all photos, mementos, children’s arts and crafts, etc - in the fantasy life there is no clutter! Great. We’re ready for someone to walk in and fall in love with the house.

Except that nobody bought it the same day we staged it. So now we have to wait for someone to come along, and in the meantime we’re living in the magazine. Now we have to scurry around and re-stage the house every time we are notified there will be a showing. Fortunately, our realtor is very considerate about giving us as much notice as possible before the strangers arrive. So we have time to hide the dirty clothes hampers; in the fantasy life, nobody has to do laundry. We also hide the toothbrushes and toothpaste, our coffee maker, and our laptop computers.

And, of course, we put away the toys. Our three children have approximately 30,000 toys which they usually keep strewn on or near the stairs. For showings, though, I carefully organize them onto the toy shelf or stuff them in the toy basket. There are no messy, noisy children in the fantasy!

We also make the beds and arrange the stuffies and pillows in a pleasing way. After one showing we returned to the house to find that the stranger had actually lied down on our bed and put his or her head (I assume it was their head) on our pillow! Kent sounded like Papa Bear when he walked in and said “Somebody’s been sleeping in my bed!”

Then we clean the house from top to bottom and leave it in perfect magazine condition for the showing. When we get home afterwards, we have no idea how long until the next showing so it’s nice to keep the house clean as long as possible, just in case. This is difficult with kids, but we’ve talked to them about it and pressed upon them how much work it is to get ready to show. They understand and are doing their best. Usually they manage not to destroy the house for approximately 12-15 seconds, and then we start all over again.

After so many showings we are getting tired of staging and cleaning and having a parade of lookey-loos traipsing through our home. But we keep hoping that maybe this showing will result in an offer. Maybe this time will be the last! And eventually, it will.