A letter to my children

My children are growing up. I can see already the adult people they are going to be and I look forward to knowing those people while at the same time knowing I will miss the children in them someday. And I know there will be some hard times and growing pains along the way for them. There will be spats with best friends, peer pressure, bullying, academic strain, heartbreak, embarrassment, romantic woes, self-consciousness. All of these things are the normal bumps along the road to adulthood that we have all experienced and gotten past, but it wasn’t easy. And some kids have a harder time dealing with it than others.

So I will be repeating my motherly advice to them throughout their lives, hoping they will at least glean some of the key words with the retelling. In a nutshell, here are the important things to carry with you that I hope will be relevant to most of the challenges yet to come:

Find someone you trust and follow their advice. This is important when you are struggling with something difficult, no matter what your stage of life. The trusted person need not necessarily be a professional, but they should at least know what they are talking about. I would like to think that my children can always come to me for guidance, but if you choose another adult then I will at least be happy you have someone in whom to confide.

Put your problems in perspective. Juggling your life and all your problems can be stressful. Sometimes a mistake you have made, an unfortunate hiccup in your plans, or an embarrassing experience can make it seem like it will change everything for the worse. But experienced people know that these little blunders happen along the way and that we always get past them and move on. Sometimes they turn into a funny anecdote to tell later, other times they are best forgotten; but they will be forgotten someday and that day is not far off.

Remember that you have people who care about you. No matter what happens to you or what you do, you are loved. Your family loves you and wants you to be happy and healthy. Your friends want the same for you. Popularity is fleeting, but your core support system remains constant. I would do anything to keep your life easy and pain-free but unfortunately that is not in my power. All I can promise you is that I will love you no matter what. There is nothing you could ever do that would make me stop caring and wanting what is best for you.

Stick to your beliefs. No on can make you do something you don’t want to do. Including feel bad about yourself. There is always an alternative. So when you are faced with pressures that make you uncomfortable, look inside and remind yourself of what you already know to be true: you are a good person who does good things. If you honestly strive to make choices you can be proud of, you will not regret them.

Protect yourself. You have to look out for number one in this life. Surround yourself with people who you respect and who treat you with decency. Do not allow others to take control of your choices away from you. The more self-control you can exercise, the less advantage others can take at your expense.

Be joyful. Some things will be hard. But there will be many things to enjoy in your life. Focus on the positive. Spend time doing the things that make you happy, and that make you feel good about yourself. Enjoy your friends, your family, your hobbies, your fun times. Develop your talents and share your gifts with the world. Be a positive force for good things, and let the bad things roll off your back.

Someone posted a link to another mom’s blog where she wrote a letter to her daughter in the wake of recent tragedies, and it really got me thinking. People have said about these deaths, “If only they had known it gets better, if only I could have told them how life got better for me”. It is too late for those children who have ended their lives because of teenaged cruelty. But it is not too late for all the other young people out there who feel alone and unhappy and scared. It is not too late for the children who haven’t yet begun the trials of puberty. Tell them. Tell the young people in your life that you care about them and that they can talk to you.

http://vicky-bell.blogspot.com/2010/10/letter-to-my-daughter-in-wake-of.html?spref=fb

Halloween

Image by Lunchbox Photography via Flickr

Halloween is approaching, and the kids are all ready with their costumes. Unfortunately, I was overruled this year on the family theme issue. Usually I like all our costumes to follow a theme (like Peter Pan characters, or The Wizard of Oz) We have done theme costumes since Madison’s first year dressing up. But this year Madison chose to be a witch, Kai found a snake costume, Caylie picked Minnie Mouse, and Kent decided to go with the surgical scrubs in the back of our closet. Sigh.

I suppose the family theme had it’s years numbered. It’s not like I thought they’d still be dressing up and hanging out with me in their teen years. But still, I thought it would last a little longer. It was so much fun to go trick-or-treating together, or to go to the costume parade at school or the mall and show our Halloween spirit.

This year we have been invited to a family costume party. It should be fun and the kids will get to play with their little friends. This would have been a perfect place to wear theme costumes, but oh well. I’ll just have to dig around in the dress-up clothes and put a costume together for myself. Don’t think I can fit into the kids’ bumble bee outfit, so my other options are: pirate or princess. I think we need some new items in the dress-up box.

No matter, I’m sure the kids will have a blast showing off their costume picks at school and trick-or-treating a truckload of candy. The whole point of Halloween is for the kids to have fun after all, right?

Dig Deep

Thanksgiving Sunday I ran my first half-marathon race. Racing is hard. The first part usually goes pretty smoothly because of the adrenaline and excitement of racing, but that gets old by the half way mark. Running as fast as you can for as long as you can hurts. Your muscles scream at you to stop. Your lungs cry out for a rest. And it’s all up to your mind to make it happen.

My racing strategy is to run my goal pace for as long as I physically can. If I can no longer keep up, then I must slow down, but I will not until there is no other option. And when I’m in the throes of racing purgatory, I ask myself: Can I still go on? And although I may be in pain, the answer is yes, -for now- I can. And so I do.

Then, sometimes there comes a point at which I feel like I can’t possibly go any more. I’m barely holding on, and I’m reaching the bottom of the barrel. I need to slow down or I won’t make it. But when I see the finish line ahead, or a competitor edges up beside me, I find a burst of speed to beat it out to the end. And I have learned something about myself; when I feel this devoid of resources, when feel like I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel, it wasn’t really the bottom at all. I had more energy left in the tank but I didn’t know that until I powered it out at the end.

The human being is capable of amazing feats and I am only attempting one miniscule portion of what is possible. People have endured much more pain and much greater expenditures than whatever I am faced with today, so yes, the barrel is deeper than you think. Much, much deeper.

My lesson for today: Don’t give up. You can do it, even if you think you can’t.

Among many other things I am thankful for my health and strength, that I may strive to reach my goals, achieve success, and set myself new challenges. Happy Thanksgiving!