My children are growing up. I can see already the adult people they are going to be and I look forward to knowing those people while at the same time knowing I will miss the children in them someday. And I know there will be some hard times and growing pains along the way for them. There will be spats with best friends, peer pressure, bullying, academic strain, heartbreak, embarrassment, romantic woes, self-consciousness. All of these things are the normal bumps along the road to adulthood that we have all experienced and gotten past, but it wasn’t easy. And some kids have a harder time dealing with it than others.
So I will be repeating my motherly advice to them throughout their lives, hoping they will at least glean some of the key words with the retelling. In a nutshell, here are the important things to carry with you that I hope will be relevant to most of the challenges yet to come:
Find someone you trust and follow their advice. This is important when you are struggling with something difficult, no matter what your stage of life. The trusted person need not necessarily be a professional, but they should at least know what they are talking about. I would like to think that my children can always come to me for guidance, but if you choose another adult then I will at least be happy you have someone in whom to confide.
Put your problems in perspective. Juggling your life and all your problems can be stressful. Sometimes a mistake you have made, an unfortunate hiccup in your plans, or an embarrassing experience can make it seem like it will change everything for the worse. But experienced people know that these little blunders happen along the way and that we always get past them and move on. Sometimes they turn into a funny anecdote to tell later, other times they are best forgotten; but they will be forgotten someday and that day is not far off.
Remember that you have people who care about you. No matter what happens to you or what you do, you are loved. Your family loves you and wants you to be happy and healthy. Your friends want the same for you. Popularity is fleeting, but your core support system remains constant. I would do anything to keep your life easy and pain-free but unfortunately that is not in my power. All I can promise you is that I will love you no matter what. There is nothing you could ever do that would make me stop caring and wanting what is best for you.
Stick to your beliefs. No on can make you do something you don’t want to do. Including feel bad about yourself. There is always an alternative. So when you are faced with pressures that make you uncomfortable, look inside and remind yourself of what you already know to be true: you are a good person who does good things. If you honestly strive to make choices you can be proud of, you will not regret them.
Protect yourself. You have to look out for number one in this life. Surround yourself with people who you respect and who treat you with decency. Do not allow others to take control of your choices away from you. The more self-control you can exercise, the less advantage others can take at your expense.
Be joyful. Some things will be hard. But there will be many things to enjoy in your life. Focus on the positive. Spend time doing the things that make you happy, and that make you feel good about yourself. Enjoy your friends, your family, your hobbies, your fun times. Develop your talents and share your gifts with the world. Be a positive force for good things, and let the bad things roll off your back.
Someone posted a link to another mom’s blog where she wrote a letter to her daughter in the wake of recent tragedies, and it really got me thinking. People have said about these deaths, “If only they had known it gets better, if only I could have told them how life got better for me”. It is too late for those children who have ended their lives because of teenaged cruelty. But it is not too late for all the other young people out there who feel alone and unhappy and scared. It is not too late for the children who haven’t yet begun the trials of puberty. Tell them. Tell the young people in your life that you care about them and that they can talk to you.
http://vicky-bell.blogspot.com/2010/10/letter-to-my-daughter-in-wake-of.html?spref=fb
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